this holding thing

yes, you can lie here with me and we can do this holding thing they talk about so much. i don’t understand why there’s such a big fuss about it really. your arms will go around me; perhaps mine around you, our legs will snake around each other. you’ll probably feel my tenseness given that we don’t know each other all that well. i’ll close my eyes and pretend i don’t notice your breath so close to me, smelling the wine and all the things you want to say…
i’ll pretend that i do this everyday
i have too much holding in my life and this here darling, is not such a big deal.
but hold me closer.
please don’t let me go.

here comes that quiet where i listen to the words in between. my mind closes halfway and i get a hefty glimpse of the way i’m meant to feel every day of my life. my thoughts threaten to turn into a sob, a dam that wants to break. but don’t worry, i will not do that to you.

and i promise –
i will not mention this when we pass each other in the hallway tomorrow. i’m good at not making too much out of stuff like this. with all the silence and stillness of yesterday, it shouldn’t be incredibly difficult.

but can we do this holding thing again sometime soon?
it makes me think of
sunflowers in a field
and the morning sun warming my skin
heavy droplets of rain
a kiss
first love.

so hold me closer,
i like it.

© Tsion B., 2015


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