last night, before i went to bed
i asked god to write me a love letter
because it’s been too long since i got one
and my soul feels tired from all the waiting.
i said look here god, i don’t need any fancy words
nor do i want you to write me a poem
i just need a few lines that say
‘your heart is fine, your heart will heal, your heart will love again.’
send me a rainbow
or a sunflower,
send me freshly turned ground, red and black and blue
send me seeds newly sprouting.
i’ll keep an eye out.
you have to do this for me.
or else i’m folding up the stuff that i’m made of.
i’ve done too much hoping in this vicious world
my knees have been skinned from too much falling
i’ve started growing bruises as if i were caned and stoned
beaten to brokenness
as if words could suck the blood closer to the skin
and skin wants to show off the invisible pain
wear it like a medal,
a prize of emerging.
send me a sign
a feather from an angel wing
dipped in ink dripping
like my pen and my tears.
or maybe a glimpse of my childhood dreams
where i can cup my hands and drink
from clear streams
take breath from all the running.
there are days i can’t remember my own name
this city feels like a wilderness to me
and i forget where to turn on roads i’ve taken so many times before.
my body has become a ragged field of rocks
where barefoot bleeds
a gentle touch turns me into gutters of muted screams.
i’ll keep a watchful eye for the coin in the dust
fled from a careless pocket
or colors in the sky
or a flower turning its head toward the sun
the forgotten sound of crooning water
a new growth.
i will wait.
my last waiting will be a not giving up
my last waiting will be an unwavering grace.
i’m at the same address.
©Tsion B., 2017