recovery

i told you i have a million insecurities i learned in a little less than a decade
that’s why i hold my body so close to me
so tight i’m afraid it will break.
i told you i have a million insecurities.

i told you i have more baggage than your house and my house together can hold.
so much baggage my therapist slyly asks, how was your relationship with your father like when you were a child?
i might have a few things to say about that, but oh hell if she only knew that’s the least of my worries.
i told you i have a million insecurities.

i warned you to steer clear.
to stay far, far away.
i’m not an easy fix.
i’m not a month old love.
i don’t go with the flow.
i cry when i mean to laugh and laugh when i mean to cry.
not one of my bones are made out of easy acceptance.
if you’re looking for normal, you won’t find it here.
if you’re looking for pain-free, i’m not the one for you.
and you found that hard to believe.
but i told you i have a million insecurities.

when you came along i was building my armor layer by layer by layer.
thinking strong means indifferent.
thinking strong means untouchable.
thinking strong means becoming a red shrieking siren that goes off with every attempted love.
when you came along, i told you we were wrong for each other but you said no two people have ever been so right.
when you came along, i told you i’m a recovering everything and you said you’d like to hold my hands.
when you came along, i told you sometimes i cry unbidden without a reason and you said you’ll kiss away my tears.
when you came along, i told you i’m getting to know myself again after being lost for so long and you said let’s do that together.
when you came along, i told you i was heart-constricting extremes and you said you’d rise to the challenge.
when you came along, i told you sometimes it’s hard for me to know what i want and i ask inappropriate questions that might sting at the heart.
you see, i have a million insecurities.

and now, i’ve started asking my inappropriate questions.
do you think we are wrong?
or more importantly, do you think we are wrong for each other?
or more importantly, do you think i am wrong for you?
tell me please.
i dare you to tell me.

©Tsion B., 2017

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s