things i should stop doing #2

saying sorry for things i shouldn’t be.

i’m sorry but i don’t agree with you.
i’m sorry but i’m not like you at all;
and for that matter, i don’t like you either.

sorry, but i don’t want you to touch me;
not now. not tomorrow. not after tomorrow. forever.

i’m sorry; i know i shouldn’t be crying. i swear i’m not trying to emotionally blackmail you. it’s just that i…
…does it even matter?

i’m sorry for the flare of acne on my face. my hormones go wacky sometimes and i can’t really control them.

sorry, i’m on my period and i have to make 20 bathroom trips in an hour so i can’t really see you today unless you come to my house.

sorry for the mess my children made in the house because that’s what children do.
oh and sorry i’m having a bad hair day because i had a lot of things to worry about today and i couldn’t care less about my hair.

i’m sorry, but i’m tired and i don’t feel like cooking for your lazy arse today.
and also, i’m going to lock myself up in my room for the next few hours and pretend that i do not exist.

i’m sorry, but i have to say no.
no. and i’m sorry i don’t feel like justifying every no that comes out of my mouth.

i’m sorry.
for wanting.
for not wanting.
for feeling too strongly about certain things.
for being emotional.
for not being good at some things like holding pointless conversations with strangers at a bar and not being polite enough to laugh at crappy jokes.
or make crappy jokes.
for thinking angles actually exist and my dead relatives appear in my dreams because they’re trying to tell me something.
for refusing to believe that you start to take angels and dead people seriously when all else fails and you’re desperate.
so desperate you run into the first random open arms mistaking them for a sign.

the sorry list is inexhaustible.
sometimes, i feel my sorries are like the rain apologizing for getting you wet.
or your nightmares appearing in the morning to ask forgiveness for the headaches and the bags under your eyes.
they don’t make sense at all.

©Tsion B., 2017


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